any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
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i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
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I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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