Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize