You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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