Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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