If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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