I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize