this beer tastes like vomit already
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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