Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
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I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
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You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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