You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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