i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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