Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize