I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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