I skipped work to stalk him.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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