i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize