so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
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hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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