if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize