Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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