Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
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High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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