tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize