Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
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I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
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Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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