can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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