Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
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Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
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I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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