it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
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My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
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I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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