Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
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I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
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1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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