Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
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You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
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Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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