so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
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You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
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I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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