Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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