im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
my shit smells like andre
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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