wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
we made out on top of his cat.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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