We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize