im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
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