just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
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I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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