the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize