Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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