I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
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Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
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Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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