News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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