she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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