He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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