I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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