My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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