I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize