I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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