what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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