just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize