I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
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