My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
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