all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
This couple is walking their pig around campus
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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