You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize