Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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