I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
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I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
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Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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